Michele and Olivia first became close last year when Olivia felt convicted by God to confess some struggles she was going through. One night, she abruptly confided in Michele, another Christian, and Michele reciprocated. They decided to enter into an accountability relationship, and ever since that day they have been meeting weekly. They have a “no secrets” policy; over the course of their relationship they have shared with each other more of their struggles and become more comfortable calling one another out on sin and poor judgment. They never meet without praying. While Olivia and Michele share some interests, they are not the driving force of the friendship; their friendship does not depend on their shared interests persisting. The bond their shared faith creates between them enables them to love each other without reserve and with reference to an unending future happiness together in the Lord.
Friendships with People Unlike Us:
Fighting the Temptation to Homogeneity
Life in today’s world will not allow us to spend all of our time and invest all of our energy in people just like us. Globalization is reducing the amount of homogenous space in the world. To live in spaces filled with different kinds of people and yet practice relational homogeneity is to miss out not only on an opportunity for personal growth and development, but also on the opportunity to love indiscriminately our neighbors as ourselves. Building relationships with people who are different than we are teaches us about ourselves and helps us to love others as they want to be loved. Although it can be difficult to initiate and maintain a relationship with someone whom we find to be different than we are, every Christian should endeavor to do so.
Difference comes in a variety of forms. People have different cultures, ethnicities, values, interests, desires, or beliefs. Unfortunately, we bring cultural and experiential baggage to relationships involving such differences because we are all working with assumptions and stereotypes we have made about people unlike ourselves. For this reason, many people become resigned to thinking that difference presents barriers that are more troublesome than rewarding. The prospect of visiting a church with a more charismatic or liturgical approach than any church you have attended, or entering into conversation with a person from a different part of the world and with a different skin tone can initially be a jarring and uncomfortable experience. Differences, even of these basic sorts, can lead to suspicion, alienation, or indifference. But the Christian is called to love others without playing favorites or being judgmental, particularly when these decisions are based on superficial similarities or worldly interests.
In twenty-first century America, the situation is exacerbated by political correctness and extreme sensitivity to difference. Particular differences are identified and dealt with only with great caution. These cultural landmines include differences of religion, race, socio-economics, politics, and sexual ethics. Christians are called to be witnesses to the truth, and therefore must be intentional in befriending people unlike themselves, bridging the gap that difference creates. Rather than putting aside difference by faking similarity, the Christian must learn to appreciate the other person in the differences, rather than despite these differences. The first step in bridging such differences is to bring people with opposing viewpoints together into the same space, forcing them to move beyond the impersonal polarization of the other. The liberal and the conservative, the #blacklivesmatter and the #bluelivesmatter proponents, the Christian heterosexual and the unbelieving homosexual, the rich and the poor all need to learn from one other. The mature Christian should not bury his or her head, but must hear the convictions of others and not only and always to dig our heels in deeper.
People coming together across difference too often attempt to emphasize their similarities and downplay their differences without a concern for the integrity of the other person in his or her distinctive qualities. Often lo2ving a neighbor with whom we share little will require us to learn how to love them in the areas of difference where it is more difficult and less natural. Yet it remains essential in building a friendship with someone who is different from ourselves that we spend time learning how to love them in such a way that they will see Christ in us and thus be more likely to turn to Christ in love, whether or not they already know and believe in him.
Differing beliefs present a unique set of challenges for Christians. When Christians relate to someone of differing beliefs, they are called to love the other for who he or she is, yet still in the hope that the person will come to know and love Christ. In other words, there is a conflict of commitments that requires the Christian to be mindful of people holding to other beliefs, but also to maintain the conviction that to love such people as friends still requires loving them so that they will come to love God. Even more, Christians are called to befriend people holding different beliefs without expecting friendliness in return. While we will appreciate another person more if they reciprocate our expression of love for them, their reciprocation should not be a condition of our love for them. We also need to be careful that when we invest in relationships with the unbelieving, we are not conforming to their way of living. We have all felt the weight of being influenced by an unbelieving friend rather than having a positive influence on them. When sin enters, it perverts our relationships.